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Components of True Love
'Love makes the world go round'... these are the words to an old song. When you are in love you probably believe it is true because love is a powerful emotion. We spend a good part of our early lives experiencing love in different forms. Our families teach us the meaning of love by their acceptance, affection and support. We often develop friendships that are very close. We can love our friends. We may even love our pets. When we begin to date we find a new element in our relationships... attraction. This is the result of the physical changes in our bodies which launch the ability to be sexually aroused and attracted to others. All of these experiences help us to understand the emotion we call love.
True love is composed of three parts: Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. There are many different forms of love, depending on the parts of love that are present. When all three parts are together it is called Complete Love.
Intimacy means that you feel the closeness and trust of being best friends. You can tell each other everything. You want to spend time with each other. This is the same thing that best friends feel. Family and friend relationships have taught the skills needed to be a best friend. All teens should have the ability to have intimacy in a relationship.
Passion is the sexual attraction that can lead to sexual arousal. Once your body has experienced the changes of puberty it is capable of passion. Teens usually find passion quite easily.
Commitment is the desire to be together and to plan a future together. It goes beyond just this moment... and really looks to the long term of life. This means that you will include the other person as you plan your Life's goals. You will find out how the goals of the other person blend, support and enhance your goals and how yours to that for them. You want to travel the paths of life together.
This is the part of Complete Love that is hard for teens to meet since most teens do not yet have a realistic idea about their Life's goals. They may have some ideas of what they want to be... but that is not the same as life goals. Typically, it is some time in their mid-20's that a person is able to develop this vision of their future.
One effect of a lack of life goals is the breakup of young marriages. The divorce rate is so very high for those married in their teens and early 20's ( over 90% are divorced in the first five years of marriage!). Waiting to marry until you have this understanding of your future, making sure that you have true commitment, will increase the likelihood of a long, loving, happy marriage.