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We often have a hard time dealing with conflict with certain people in our lives: parents, brother/sisters, friends. Avoiding and solving these conflicts takes special effort.

In the matching exercise below, match each stated action with the “Cause of Conflict” listed in the lesson.

Cause of Conflict	Conflict
Misunderstood intentions	A) Sue thinks that if Clarissa wants to be unfair and play dirty, then she can play dirtier, so she spreads a worse rumor about Clarissa.
Feelings being hurt	B) Sue thought she heard Jack say that he would be hanging around on Valentine's Day, which surely must have been a hint. She doesn't realize that he said that he won't be hanging around on Valentine's Day. He is going to Sue thought she heard Jack say that he would be hanging around on Valentine's Day, which surely must have been a hint. She doesn't realize that he said that he won't be hanging around on Valentine's Day. He is going to the house of a relative (that lives two hours away) that day.
Impulsive action	C) Winning Jack over is the only thing on Clarissa's and Sue's minds, and getting him to ask them out on Valentine's Day, even if it means the other one gets hurt in the process, is the way that they see to do it.
Unfair actions	D) Clarissa's feelings are hurt, because she noticed them catching each other's eye that one time in the assembly.
Miscommunication and misunderstanding	E) Valentine's Day is approaching, and Clarissa and Sue each want Jack to ask her out.
Desire for power and control	F) Clarissa decides to spread a lie about Sue, hoping that Jack will hear it and believe it.
Competition for resources	G) Clarissa sees Sue and Jack talking together in the hall once. Sue points in Clarissa's direction and acts in an overdramatically mocking way. Clarissa doesn't realize that she was talking about a play that she had just seen, and that her pointing was just a spatial placement of the actor to whom she was referring.
Differing points of view	H) Clarissa thinks that she should be his date because of the time they have spent around each other in school, and how they have helped each other on assignments. Sue thinks that she should be his date because they caught each other's eye once in an assembly, and in her mind, she has so much more going for her than Clarissa does.

Make up your own conflict. State just the situation and the fictional names of those involved. Then, looking at the bulleted list on“Avoiding Conflicts: Empathy, choose 4 items in the list (except I-statements, which we will get to later) and write about how the people in your conflict can actually apply these ideas to the conflict you made up. Also be sure to tell how or why the idea helps in the conflict. This is worth 9 points, so be sure to include all of the above (including listing the 4 items that are in the lesson) in your answer.
People who tend to be impulsive have a hard time _____________ and _____________ first. One way to work on this is a method called “________ __________ _________” (3 words).

The following story relates to questions 4-8:

Jack just found out that he won't be going to his relative's house on Valentine's Day after all. Jack realizes that Clarissa and Sue both want him to ask them out for Valentine's Day. Clarissa, who didn't know anything about the relative's house to begin with, has just text-messaged him to ask him what he was doing on Valentine's Day in the evening. Instead of just being impulsive with a response that he might later regret, he, being the brilliant Wellness 1 student that he is, has remembered this lesson and has oh-so-wisely decided to think the problem through out loud.

For the following quoted statements, type the name of the steps the lesson lists for controlling impulsive behaviors. Only put the exact words that follow the period after the step number, and do not include anything else.

“If I ask Clarissa out, then Sue will be hurt or angry. If I tell Clarissa that I won't be doing anything, but will be at home, then I would have to find something to do at home, or maybe she might want to come over, which wouldn't be so bad. If I tell her I don't have any plans, that leaves me open to her suggestions. If I lie, I would be violating my conscience, and I choose to take the moral stand against such things; besides, that wouldn't be showing real love to my friend Clarissa. If I quickly call Sue and ask her out, then Clarissa will be hurt. If I did something with my other guy friends, that would at least relieve me from the pressure of this high-pressure day. If I ask someone else out, then I would probably hurt both Clarissa and Sue. If I take both Clarissa and Sue out together, that would be too awkward. If I took them out at different times, that would really cost a lot, and I wouldn't want to eat two meals or be in a hurry to fit them both in; besides, they probably wouldn't go for that anyway.”
(Only put the exact words that follow the colon after the step number, and do not include anything else.)
“My dilemma is that there are two people wanting me to ask them out, and now one of them is asking me what my plans for the evening are.”
(Only put the exact words that follow the colon after the step number, and do not include anything else.)
“Clarissa and I have been good friends for some time now. I'll tell her about my change of plans concerning that evening, and then I'll see if she might want to do something with me. I'll have to explain to Sue how my plans to not be around on Valentine's Day got changed, just so that she realizes that I wasn't lying, in case she hears about my being around on that day.'
(Only put the exact words that follow the colon after the step number, and do not include anything else.)
“Let's see, I could just ask Clarissa out; I could tell Clarissa that I won't be doing anything because I am firmly resolute about staying home that evening; I could just say that I don't have any plans; I could make up a lie; I could quickly call Sue and ask her out and tell Clarissa I was already going out with Sue; I could do something with my other guy friends who aren't doing anything that night, I could quickly ask someone else out before I answer Clarissa, or, I could take both Clarissa and Sue, maybe at different times.”
(Only put the exact words that follow the colon after the step number, and do not include anything else.)
'Well, Clarissa just wanted to hang out with me, and Sue had been asked out by Jeff, so it worked out and everyone was pleased.'
(Only put the exact words that follow the colon after the step number, and do not include anything else.)
I-statements are designed to have you say what you need to say, but you frame it so that the focus is on _________ and not the ______________________ (two words). You don't _______________ people of things. You simply _________________________ (three words) and _____ them _______________. This way you can get to the bottom of problems with the ____________ on the______________, not the ______________. The three parts of an I-statement are to first state what the __________________ is, in terms of ______________; second, state the ____________ of the situation; and third, state how you ________ about this situation.
I-statements are similar to assertive statements, having 3 parts, except that this time, you are telling the other person how you feel about the situation, rather than how you perceive them to be feeling. Remember that they are not to be accusatory. Which of the following would pass for an I-statement? Remember that they need to have all 3 parts. Choose the ONE best answer.
a. I didn't have my math book last night, and I'm pretty upset.
b. I received no phone call, so I was kept waiting all night, when I could have gone to sleep, and this makes me upset.
c. I looked for my book, but you obviously didn't put it where it belongs, and the fact that I didn't have it when I needed it caused me to be very upset.
d. I didn't have my math book last night, so I couldn't study for my math test, which I flunked. I bet you're feeling bad right now.

Click on Assessments and submit as Assessment 05.1

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