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Assertiveness
The way in which we express ourselves has a lot to do with the success of the relationships that we need so badly in Maslow's second step. We express what we want to say in different ways: passively, aggressively, or assertively.
Imagine a friend who is passive... always answering 'Whatever, I don't care,' 'I don't know, what do you think?' or answering with a shrug of the shoulder and a questioning look. How well do you like being with this friend? Does it get a little old having to make all of the decisions for both of you? Do you like having a passive friend?
What about a friend who is always telling you what to do? They are always assuming that you will do what they want to do? They can even get pretty demanding and might yell at you. How do you like spending time with this aggressive person? In the middle of these two is an assertive person who can say exactly what they mean but also listen to others. They stand up for themselves without offending others. An assertive friend is the most pleasant type of friend. You always know where they stand but they are willing to consider other ideas. The most mentally healthy person is assertive.
Teens often have a hard time being assertive. Many are passive, finding it hard to speak up and say what they mean, especially when it comes to disagreeing with friends or saying no to them. They usually just go along with the others and feel angry with themselves for doing it.
Some teens turn to being aggressive. We have so many examples of aggressive behavior on television, the movies and in real life that it is easy to do. Aggressive teens usually don't know how to express themselves in any other way.
Since most people want their friends to be assertive, it is a good idea to learn to be assertive. The ability to say what you mean tactfully, without offending others, can be learned. Assertive statements are the way to do this. There are 3 parts that make up an assertive statement. Each part is important to accomplish the goal of expressing yourself clearly without offending others.